I had the opportunity to go on an awesome press trip this past weekend to Destin, Florida (not these pics) with a bunch of amazing, diverse, interesting and inspiring women. I ended up driving to Destin, so I had 7 hours there and back to listen to some good tunes and just think about things. I thought a lot about how I feel like I am in a good place in my life right now. I am in a state of contentment, which for some might seem mediocre, but for someone that has been melancholy the majority of my life, it feels nice to actually be content and excited about my future.
I know I can’t say it enough on here, but I highly encourage you to get out and see the world and travel. Take more trips that you think you can afford. Go on that trip that someone invites you to and you think it just won’t work out. Just get out of your little routine life and shake things up a bit. I feel the most alive when I am exploring somewhere new and feel reinvigorated upon returning home. I have like 5 trips planned the rest of the year and somehow I am just making them work because I yearn to experience life and see parts of the world that are so far beyond what we understand and feel is normal in our realm of existence. When we were in Vermont we ran into an older couple who were touring the same Maple Sugar Farm as us and when we asked about their trip the old man said, “well, I’m 83 so this is something I always wanted to see, it may be my last chance”. I don’t ever want to be that 83 year old man just getting to see things in the world that I want to see. I want to see everything NOW and maybe that’s impossible or difficult, but I will try my damndest to make it happen.
It may seem impossible given that I have a very public platform and social media presence, but I have experienced horrible self-esteem in the past, deal with depression and anxiety, and just in general doubt myself all the time and my ability to influence others. I went years just dicking around on here because I didn’t really think people would like me or that I would ever be taken seriously or become anything. I would tell myself these lies daily and feel inferior. I would see these other girls that got to do all of these fun things and get invited to all of these cool trips and I thought that it would never be me. Once I put my mind to it and started believing in myself, the opportunities have been endless and just keep coming. I’m not saying that to brag, but just to say that learning how to believe in yourself will open up endless possibilities in your life.
I just think not everyone is going to be this cheery, happy-go-lucky bubbly person and that’s okay. It was funny because at one of the fitness events this past weekend they asked everyone’s energy level and all the girls went around and said they were at a 9 or 10 and when it got to me I straight up said I was a 5 and that I usually am a 5 throughout the whole day. I’ve kind of stopped trying to put on a show for anyone. I am who I am and I think that’s fine. I’m not going to change my personality or try to become this chirpy fake person for show on my blog or any social media.
Just thinking about all of this got me listening to my playlists on my phone and I decided to make a master playlist on Spotify if any of you all want to listen. I titled it “Melancholy” because it’s all of my favorite sad, angsty, and depressing songs that I love to listen to because I am a weirdo.
I hope you all enjoy and let me know if there are any other songs I need to add to my playlist 🙂